Day 2: Write a Letter to Your Crush

This is an engaging task. When I like, I like hard, I get hurt and it seems like forever before I let go. I'm an Empath, a romantic, one with such a nostalgic flair but -what can I say?- I'm a passionate person.

If it were supposed to feel good, they wouldn't call it a crush. - Author Unknown

Dear Friend,

For much of our relationship, you've seemed most like a foe, this evil thing inside of me or perched on my left shoulder waiting for me to make a wrong turn. I hurt for you, an unyielding, smoldering hurt for you like a child who knows all the answers but was instructed by the teacher to sit still and say nothing. Maybe it's frustration, but it's useless in the end because it won't lead to instant gratification. I think that's what you meant.

Don't ask me to remember how it started, or where. What matters is that we were in college. My feelings for you came as quickly as a 16-year-old boy who had sex for the first time. Like me, they were innocent, naive. You were handsome and charming and intriguing. Even when I met the real you, you were handsome and charming and intriguing.

As the semesters rolled on you became beautiful and lucent and almost blinding to me. We spent a semester avoiding what I knew would happen anyway. You wanted to get in my panties, you wanted to feel the very thing that made me female and somehow claim it as your own. I will never understand conquests. Try as you might to convince me otherwise, I know that's what it was. But it's okay to admit that because I wanted to be conquered. Here I stood, all of 5'1" and here you were, 6'3" and stunningly slim. I wanted to be your Jane, your America, your prize.

I won't get too personal. This is not the time, nor the space, where I wish to air out my feelings. Like you said, we both have too much at stake to pursue the wavering promise of loving each other. Rather than say goodbye, we have always let the connection ebb and flow like a tide. It's best that way, although dissatisfying.

I also won't let this letter form the way all my writing does, with some altruistic stance and sentimental tug at the heartstrings. I think I felt for you stronger than you felt for me, but you also said that my perception of reality is skewed.

Thank you for physically being with me when you were. Thank you for being honest, being available, being yourself when you were.

Always,

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